我，是有喜欢过他。好久了。另一个他。但，他太好了。好到我有点压力了。颖如说，人可以分为两种，一种是注重办事，一种是注重人与人之间的关系，即是友情。他偏向友谊。这一点，真的让我头痛。我人生中摆第一的，是上帝。接下来是家人，之后是事业。其实朋友对我来说，固然重要，但他们并不是我的第一或第二。我觉得各人有各人的看法吧。说来说去，我只要求未来的对象，是一个与我有共同目标的人。就是把上帝摆第一。爱家人过朋友。有自己的理想。简单:)说来说去，我还是很在意他呀。现在心里好空虚。一时心里有那个他，一时心里有他。好矛盾。有谁未曾有过吃醋的感觉，哈哈。就因这种感觉，我才在这里写东西呀。我在 summer camp 里无意中留意到了一些东西。心有点碎的感觉，突然笑不出了。脸塌下了。可我没有喜欢他，i mean，认真的，去maintain那种关系。我深知我们有点不可能，做朋友真的好好玩哦。我不想在做错决定了。
不知何时才能找到一个真正爱我的人，呵呵。嗨上帝，你有在帮我问媒吗? hee..
Anyway, 这件事有点在我预料之中了。我不把你摆在前一点儿了 :)
Phew.. SPM is finally ended! but the last paper, mandarine was so damn difficult. I will be very happy if i can get a B. its so disappointing that i didnt even understand what was the CHINA WEN YAN WEN talking about.. :( sigh.. I wasnt that happy after spm.. after reached home, i watched niga higa's videos till 7pm -.- i;ve nothing to do
then parents bring me for dinner and go for shopping. But end up with tangan kosong. hee
Anyway, i want to show my gratitude to ppl who have accompanied me during SPM:
First and foremost, My God my jesus :) i really want to thank God for everything, without him, Im nothing. Without him, i will be unable to manage everything in time. He is my saviour. I did smoothly for all the papers except for BC but at least, i didnt write sth which is out of topic. During addmaths test, i did extra question but i didnt realise. When i came to realise, i was like OH NO WHY AM I SO SILLY? WHY DIDNT I CHOOSE PROPERLY? WHY DID I DO THE QUESTION THAT IM NOT CONFIDENT IN AND WASTED TIME ON THE MORE DIFFICULT QUESTION?? WHY WHY WHY.. Then at last 15 minutes, i did the question which i thought it is a very simple question. After the exam, i discussed with friends. And i've found that the "simple question" that i did only score 1/10 marks! and thank GOD praise the LORD! For the more difficult question, i get it all correct. hehe :) I prayed to God everytime and i can feel that he is always with me :) thanks God :)
Next i wana thank my parents! MAMA! thanks for not asking me to do housework along the years.. HAHA bad kid. thanks for cooking a lot of delicious food for me. slrppp. But i have to blame u for making me fat right now! XD hehe.. and thanks for helping me to clean my dirty and untidy table. Oh ya! thanks for waking up at 3am to help me in seni. im very touched :') hee.. AND DADDY! thanks for all the moral support that you have given to me (which a mother didnt speak out in words!) thanks for forcing me to go out lim kopi, eat, shopping when i was having my exam. Though u know i cant go but thanks for inviting -.- haha.. its better to invite cause it makes me feel better :p thanks for driving me to school and thanks for answering my annoying questions! mum and dad u guys are superb! sorry if i suddenly get angry or mood swing! :p
NEXT! my friends.. they helped me a lot .. like a lot u know.. they answered my doubts and helped to solve problems that i do not understand.. and my neng gang.. hee.. we did trial papers together.. the plan is very benefiting.. must chia them sth good! ^^ thanks jac and yunru for supporting me always too :) im blessed with great frends eh? :")
not to forget my sisters! :) i cried at the night before the 1st exam.. i was so stressed with BM essay cause its so scary! :( bibi consoled me and i felt relieved. After reading beh beh's blog, i was reminded to put all my worries on god and hand everything to Him :)
Its really a hectic month.. now everything is over.. Challenges are waiting for me in the future. Now, i should think deeply about what to do next :)
sunday means so much for me. I can go to church and listen to pastor preaching about how great our God is, at the same time reminding us about our responsibilities as a christian.
Anyway, somehow.. when he sit so near to me.. I hardly can focus and enjoy every moment with God. His laughters, ughh.. can't get out of my mind. Maybe, maybe we should be friends again? i'm trying.. but i dunno if he is willing, or not :(
Hmm, i guess God is the one and only one, the mediator which can fix the relationship bond between us. I will keep this in my prayer :) btw, im joining christmas parade! kinda excited about it ^^
Next, my friend, he went to church with jac and I. But i realise that we didnt do much to let him know more about God. I tried to let him know, but i duno if he understand or not. He didnt speak out, and i duno what is he thinking. I wish i know about it, cause i want him to feel God's love. God's amazing :)
people always blame christian for asking them to join church mass or church activities. In reality, christian just want to share the joy in themselves with people out there. God brings joy, yeah.. Joy that cannot be described in words if u never experience it. Not to say that God never let u experience the feeling. God does miracle and help us in everything every day. Dont u ever realise? its ok :) you're in my prayer, u will slowly understand. U might feel that, NOOO i dont and i wont gonna be like a christian! hey but u know what, God hears u! and he will do something to change you! lala ;) u cant defeat God cause he is the highest, the greatest :)
If and only if one looks at a wider horizon about every single thing that happen in their life, the flowers, the animals, the beautiful place and the universe.. all those amazing God's creation.. they will be able to know more about the mysterious phenomenon that somehow cannot be explained scientifically.
"Who create it?" now im asking this question, Who, who creates us, and who creates the universe, the earth from the beginning? isit just appear naturally in a place where we called universe? might be? then.. who creates universe?? 0.0 Now u cant answer. But we know, God, God creates everything! Look at all these pictures, picture speaks a thousand words.. then you will realise, all these do not come naturally.. There's this God, one and only one true God, exist in this world.. :)
A foetus in a mother's womb.. He or she comes to this world for one reason, which is, to live for God :)
have an absolutely good day in church right until i crossed the street to meet my parents. Feeling angry, feeling down and worried.. but i did not have the courage to speak out. It's been days that im perturbed about this matter. which is, Health.
Dad can't get rid of smoking. Everytime he sucks the cigarette, I will always imagine that how the carbon monoxide, hydrogen cyanide, heavy metals and harmful particles absorbed in alveolus of his lungs. Look at this picture,don't u have the feeling that u should actually stop? 
come on, you're a man. you can surely overcome it. Though it might be the HARDEST thing for u to be done, but i know you can. you must have strong commitment to quit smoking so tat you can achieve your goal. we will always support you :(
I've searched some information in the internet..
Each year, over 430,000 people die as a result of a smoking related disease. Yet, over 50 million continue to smoke. Cigarette smoking leads to 87% of lung cancers, emphysema and chronic bronchitis. And you, you've possessed the risk.
"Quitting is a frustrating and difficult proposition for these people who despite the knowledge that they are seriously harming their bodies. Addiction to nicotine causes very uncomfortable symptoms of withdrawal. Irritation, agitation and anxiety as well as loss of concentration, sleep disturbances, headaches, coughing and cravings"
I understand all these, but why there are cases that they succeed in quitting smoking? eg, 4 suk. Why? He told me, once you've stop smoking for a week, you're free for your entire life. During the week, you must not have any contact with friends who smoke around you! I was like. really? why don't u try? and i've found hope in the midst of darkness...
Anyway, tips given in the internet will be useful for you. I've been talking about this problem with bibi and mummy, but everybody has no courage to urge u to quit. Cause we understand that its difficult for u to resist. and bi told me, to continue pray so that u will quit.
nicotine is a powerful addiction. If you have tried to quit, you know how hard it can be. People who are trying to quit smoking go through both physical and psychological withdrawal. Here are some tips for quitting.
Cravings:
Drink a lot of liquids, especially water. Try herbal teas or fruit juices. Limit coffee, soft drinks, and alcohol - they can increase your urge to smoke.
Avoid sugar and fatty food. Try low-calorie foods for snacking - carrots and other vegetables, sugarless gum, air-popped popcorn, or low-fat cottage cheese. Don't skip meals.
Exercise regularly and moderately. Regular exercise helps. Joining an exercise group provides a healthy activity and a new routine.
Get more sleep. Try to go to sleep earlier and get more rest.
Take deep breaths. Distract yourself. When cravings hit, do something else immediately, such as talking to someone, getting busy with a task, or taking deep breaths.
Change your habits. Use a different route to work, eat breakfast in a different place, or get up from the table right away after eating.
Do something to reduce your stress. Take a hot shower, read a book, or exercise.
Psychological Needs:
-Remind yourself every day why you are quitting.
-Avoid places you connect with smoking, eg: kopitiam
-Develop a plan for relieving stress (i will go for jog with u after my exam.promise)
-Listen to relaxing music.
-Watch a funny movie.
-Take your mind off a problem and come back to it later.
-Rely on your friends, family, and support group for help.
-Avoid coffee. It lowers your chances for success.
Do you still remember this?
A scar that we hardly able to forget. our beloved mum and grandma. Do you wish to see us cry over you? I'm afraid, dad im really freaked out. I cried in the middle of the night for thousand of times imaging how our family will be like without any one of us. What if you're sick? even if mama has a fever, i will be nervous and scared. What if cancer really strike you? How are we going to realise our dream to travel together? Tears and worries will stick with us days and nights. Quit it please, we need you badly, like.. badly :( think of us.. your beloved..
Look.. how happy are we being together..
how your wife and daughters love you..
Health deterioration is common, so as aging..
But if u dont give a damn to it,
and keep your pair of eyes closed about it.. you're definitely near to DEATH..
You've been concerning about health, we know
But QUIT SMOKING is the KEY,
the key for healthy lifestyle..
Lastly, good health brings happiness..
HomeProfileAccount
Bernadine's Profile: Beverly's Profile
Bernadine 子玲-Beverly Jong: Saya nak tanya u banyak soalan moh beverly jong!
1. Kamu sudah ada banyak mat salleh kawan kah?
2. Macam mana kamu makan? masak sendiri? masak apa?
3. Kamu nampak macam selalu bersiar siar di sana saja.. ada belajar bersunggug
sungguh tak?
4. Erm.. Sana sejuk tak sekarang? Malaysia panas gila!
5. Kamu ada rindu saya tak? adik kamu yang comel ini.. heehee
6. Kamu masih faham bahasa melayu tak? Kamu tidak boleh bagai kacang lupakan kulit..
mesti ingat malaysiamu yang cantik dan bertamadun ini.. oleh itu saya tulis dalam
bm lo.. :P
Jawab saya punya semua soalan ya! ♥
Jun Jun Peh and Loh Pui Kar like this.
Connie Tham : Mana ur dajie go?!
Bernadine 子玲 : she is studying in US ya.. :)
Connie Tham : :-0 Cepat nye! All the best Beverly! :DDD
Bernadine 子玲 : i think almost 2 months lo..since august.. T.T
Connie Tham : Wooooots, apa course ? :D
Bernadine 子玲 : biochemistry.. :D
Connie Tham : HOHOHO!
Bernadine 子玲 : HIHIHI!
Myself Psl : bernadine, kakak awak sudah tidur lena. tak mungkin membalas
persoalan2 yang ditujukan kepadanya. awak punya bahasa melayu masih
boleh tahan.
Bernadine 子玲 : masih boleh tahan saja kah? saya di MALAYsia le.. saudari psl, kenapa
engkau tak nak tidur? sekarang tempat saudari 4am kan? tak boleh
bakar minyak tengah malam la.. (burn midnight oil).. tak bagus untuk
ksihatan.. :)
Myself Psl : saudari, terlalu formal. esok nak pergi zoo (harap harap akan
bangun), buat kerja rumah larut malam sedikit. sudah nak masuk kamar
tak lama lagi.
Bernadine 子玲 : sebagai malaysian, kenak lah cakap dengan formal sikit! hehe.. ok
la,macam itu saudari pergilah tidur.. selamat malam saya ucapkan!
Jong Thian Sang:gila!
Beverly Jong : Haha.. Ok, pertama sekali yang saya mahu tegur kamu ialah saya major
microbiologi..tak pernah pun saya cakap biochem..-.-
1. Dalam kelas ada tapi tak banyak la..and tak sentiasa hang out punya kawan. Tapi church ada.
2. Ini saya punya favorite question kerana SAYA SUDAH SANGAT PRO DALAM MEMASAK! Saya masak setanding dengan mama lo. Masak pork and chicken, spaghetti, pizza, mash potato, curry, apa apa pun pandai la.
3. Ada la..-.- tak percaya boleh tanya kawan saya..saya sangat rajin belajar sekarang.
4. Sini sejuk gilaaaaa..tiap tiap hari perlu pakai thick thick..sekarang pun belum winter lagi. winter lagi saya tak boleh imagine la. you mahu datang sini feel? :p
5. Tak ada..saya hanya rindu fuifui..hee! Gurau saja la. Ada miss pipi..setiap kali tengok picture you yang sangat happy saya akan rindu masa kami have fun sama-sama :c rindu*
6. of course faham la..sini kawan kawan saya guna bahasa melayu untuk marah mat salleh di facebook. So kami tidak mungkin akan lupakan BM ^^v Saya datang sini tidak rasa Malaysia cantik dan bertamadun lo..sini ada tempat yang lebih lebih cantik dan menarik. Boleh tanya saudari psl..tetapi saya rasa dia mungkin lebih suka tempat yang kampung2.
You banyak soalan nak tanya tapi tak pernah skype saya -.- Macam mana hidup kamu sekarang? Masih ada flirt dengan budak handsome? :P
Loh Pui Kar : can't help it. you girls are just tooo cute hahaha xD
Beverly Jong : Heehee..
Evelyn Jong : assalamualaikum waramatullahi wabarakatuh saudari. bibi masih ada
flirt laki-laki, masih! nanti saya beritahu ak. beh hanya rindu saya
saje u tau ka? kerana u tak pernah skype dia. dia ada beli baju bagi
kau tau sik? tak tau pun! aah saya tak sabar sabar nak pergi kamu
sitok, mauk makan pizza dan spaghetti yang kamu buat. oh ya saya
sangka kamu major biochem kerana daddy beritahu kamek orang macam tu
bah, ingat salah la dia.. lastly, pray for me! 36 days left, for SPM!
Bernadine 子玲: tergamak u cakap saya macam ini! what will ak think if he sees this??
:(((( hate u 2!
Bernadine 子玲: yala tengok comment kitak orang sudah make kamek sedih la.. seorang
cakap aying tak rindu pipi, seorang cakap dia rindu fui fui saja..
kamek sangat lonely di sini tau? rindu gilak gerek ku tapi tak dapat
nangga-nya.. sigh... tengok laki laki di sini sudah jemu gilak la..
semua muka sama, semua sama kek kuan, semua bising bising.. tak de
seorang pun yang macam gerek ku.. faham sik? ada seorang la.. memang
tak dapat dinafikan.. :p tapi, so??
baiklah, biar saya jawab soalan kakakku yang tersayang.. ( beli baju
bagi saya tentulah nak bodek bodek sikit XD)
1. saudari ada kawan mat salleh?? baiknya! hari ini ada seorang pesakit mat salleh datang hospital... semasa dia menjalani procedure saya pegang tangannya.. masa itu dia dalam keadaan yang tak sedar diri tapi dia masih sempat untuk beritahu kamek : thank you.. for holding my hand.. seriously, ku almost jatuh dari kerusi.. banyak gila ubat bius baginya tapi dia masih tak nak tidur.. then kali kedua dia pun bangun dan cakap.. thank you.... for holding my hand.. i rasa nak cakap, tidurlah saudari! jangan cakap.. (story saya untuk hari ini sajalah, tak penting)
2. Adikmu masih tak tahu macam mana mau masak la.. u ada makan nasi tak? mana u beli nasi?? saya hanya boleh cakap, ada seorang husband-like bf di rumah memang boleh mendorong orang untuk memasak la.. i masih ingat u tanya mama kulit tomato kenak peel kah? bodoh na juak budak ni!!
3. Oklah setelah tengok u dapat 97 for chem, saya rasa, pandai gilak la budak ini..nampak macam tak study tapi masih boleh dapat good result.. patut sayang.. ♥
4. Sini panas gilak! i feeel sooooo hot baby~ :p saya akan berpeluh semasa saya tidur tau tak? i nak mati sudah la.. haihh
5. Tau tak kakak , hari itu saya tak dapat tidur, so saya tengok semua gambar dalam phone saya.. man, saya menangis semasa saya tengok pic kamek orang dengan papan kaka punya.. dan teringat memory kamek orang hilangkan camera case..dan gambar kamek orang di dalam bus, dan pic semasa christmas..take dengan snowman dan pokok christmas yang huge itu.. sekarang.. tak de kakak dengan saya di sini sudah.. i mau menangis la sekarang... :"(!!
6. HAHAHA! i suka jawapan ini! mengenai saudari psl yang suka kampung kampung.. funny gilak! i tau la.. US memang cantik gilak la.. terutamanya telur yang besar itu.. nampak cute! janganlah kek saya.. saya tahu tak mungkin saya akan pergi sana punya la.. seumur hidup tinggal di KL saja.. apuuuu~ harap harap adik kamek orang itu berjaya sikit, ikut jejak saudari dan pergi UK jugak la.. tau sik fui fui?
kakak dan adik yang pandai.. apalah saya ini.. memang zhi bei =X
k la saudari saya yang dikasihi.. jaga diri baik baik la.. u memang tak dapat menandingi saya dapat menulis esei panjang yang penuh dengan sampah sarap la.. saya memang suka tulis.. heehee.. bacalah semasa saudari bosan atau anggap ini sebagai bahan untuk merangsang nafsu.. eh bukan! merangsang engkau untuk tidur.. saya selalu tulis untuk ak dan suruh dia baca sebagai bedtime story.. effective tau? hihik..
akhirulkalamnya, saya amat merindui engkau dan fui fui la.. ♥ harap kamek orang boleh berjumpa lagi la ya? love u babi! muackss take care!!
Bernadine 子玲 : OH YA! SIAPA KATA SAYA TAK SKYPE DENGAN KAMU! HARI ITU SAYA NAK CHAT
DENGAN KAMU.. U CAKAP U MAU MANDI.. THEN HILANGKAN DIRI SUDAH.. ppl
miss u moh..:(
Jong Thian Sang: Your comment can bind into one book !
Evelyn Jong : nanti nanti, ayah cakap mau bawa kami semua pergi, so save money
start frm sekarang la. kalau benar benar dapat baguslah. janganlah
cakap hingga sik dapat pergi seumur hidup. mampu la amen. mampus aku
tengok komen awak, panjang gilak, merangsang nafsu pulak. kamu memang
pandei bertulis, buat kamek orang nangis aje. inilah kepandaian bah.
ak suka ka, panjang sangat (u_u) bagi saya tak effective.. kakakaka
:p bibi, update kamu punya blog more. aku nak tengok ur posting
story. bibi fui fui sik pandei, tak tau macam mana kakak dapat jadi
sangat pro, mungkin batu lintang's student kiasu sikit. hehe. ohya
salah, dia tanya mama the skin of mushroom need to peel or not..lawak
la tu..memang, BODOH! beh beh sure mampus la mau read komen kamek
orang. hehe! take care :p
我想来想去，觉得自己应该把一切感受写下来，abi说得对，写出来，至少我不会忘记和婆婆度过的点点滴滴。。小时候，我是一个又黑，又不讨喜的小孩，唯一让人觉得我“可爱”的，可能是那卷卷的头发，有肉的身体。因为这样，我从小就听到了好多人的冷嘲，让自己变得越来越自卑，远远比不上漂亮的姐姐们。从小，人家就喜欢说我很坏，因为眉毛很厚，很讨厌吧。其实，婆婆也不怎么疼我，但至少，他真的很在乎每一个孙儿。我们一家就一起生活，从老家搬到新家，来来去去，有十多年，我们一直都跟婆婆住在一起，在我form1时，才跟爸爸妈妈搬出来住。我们当然很开心，因为不用跟大家庭一起生活，至少我们很自由。但，每个下午放学后，我们还是会回到婆婆家，姑姑就会准备饭给我们吃，从来没有埋怨过，婆婆叫姑姑拿水给我们喝，她就立刻去。真的好到我无话可说。婆婆很照顾我们的饮食起居，他疼爱我们的程度，是众晓皆知的。每天都会骂我们，叮咛我们，有时不听话，她还会捏我们喔！婆婆很爱叫我拿药，bibi讲婆婆叫她拿，其实，我拿最多次呢！呵呵。那时，我一直觉得烦，为什么不要叫阿盈拿，每天都是，“慧慧慧！” 就这样，我跟阿盈感情就很不好。过一段时间后，我们就没有留在婆婆家了，回到家里，自己弄吃的。偶尔也会去婆婆家。其实，搬出去的确是个好事，因为我们学会了独立。婆婆也很欣慰。还记得，她称赞我说，我会自己洗盘了。从这里就能看到如果我们继续住在那里，迟早都快被宠坏了。因为姑姑什么都帮我们打点 ，妈妈做工，所以下午时间都无法陪我们。
以前，婆婆会带我们去教会，那时我们还小，就像kelly那样，她带我们去主日学，课后就带我们去教堂后面拿四四方方的饼干，好好吃 :) 我的印象很模糊，因为真的还很小。那时，我读的学校是菩提幼儿园，颈上挂着一条“出入平安”的牌，来到教堂，心情真是战战兢兢。倒想回来。跟着婆婆公公生活的孩子，确实比较孝顺，因为爸爸都不让我们大呼小叫。还记得，妈妈常担心婆婆会因为我们吃的食物不健康后骂她而教我们说一些“善意”的谎言。但那个不懂事的abi大声喊，“婆，刚才的虾好好吃！” 妈妈因该怕晕了，呵呵。婆婆对我们固然严厉，但是所做的一切，都是为我们好，我长大后，才明白这些道理。我们没跟婆婆一起住，其实也拉近了仳此间的感情，我们会想到已久不见的婆婆，婆婆也会一直关心我们，像，把菜或肉吊在gate，或是叫爸爸把装在盒里面的肉拿给我们吃。妈妈跟婆婆之间的距离，也拉近了。
自从在三年前查到肺部有癌细胞后，婆婆就一直吃得健康，吃药，做检查，做运动。最后，也进行了手术，把被癌细胞扩散的半边肺部割除。但，这种病，中上了，就难以脱离了。不管吃喝什么药方，它还是扩散了。感谢主，他坚信你的大能，持着信心一直往教会跑，不管多疼痛，她深知这是你的安排。如今，婆婆跟公公都在天堂了吧，享受着那无比美妙的天堂生活。好羡慕。
最让我怀念的，莫过于你的声音，接到你的电话，你送我们的礼物和一切的一切。在你去世的前一天，你送给我的脚链断了，我知道，时间不长了。好伤心，突然好难过。虽然为你感到开心，因你解脱了痛苦，疾病，悲伤及烦恼，但好舍不得你。一让我想到的画面，就是我在教堂走廊看到你那兴奋的感觉，“咦？婆！你做么来早场？”。“kelly去她婆婆家，所以我一个人来咯！你要吃biscuit吗？教堂后面又给哦。。“ ”噢！不要了，妈妈要来了，我要走过去了，你怎样回？“。”ah mel 叔叔回来载！“。”好啦，我先走了哦！"。。。短短的几句话，不知为什么很深刻的记在我脑海里。可能是因为考书的关系，或繁忙的活动，让到我很少去探望她，说来真惭愧。但我非常珍惜每一次探望她的时候，每次都花时间陪她讲话。当她在进行化疗时，身子非常的脆弱，真叫人心寒。他牵着我的手，跟我说，生不如死，快要见到公公了。说着，我们就一起掉眼泪了。那时，他还好好的。阿盈回来后的几个礼拜，她就突然中风，送进医院了。从那一天起，我再也没听到她的声音。躺在医院两个星期，躺在家里床上有七个礼拜多，病情时好时坏，曾经因中医治疗而能开口说几句模模糊糊的话。那时，我们都很开心，她也很开心，因为正好abi回来四天。他是个开心娃娃，婆婆心情也因他而好起来。不过，bibi也逗她一天而已，最后一次，就是和他离别的时刻了。看得出，婆婆好伤心。阿盈，也去了美国，他的宝贝孙。爸爸也曾让阿盈跟婆婆通话，如果我是阿盈，我真不知道要怎样跟一个不会应你的人讲电话。看到婆婆的痛，我也想到爸爸。他每吸一口烟，我的心就如刀割，一直在流血。我好害怕，害怕看见，害怕又看见那种痛楚发生在我家人身上。癌症真的不能开玩笑。我也在婆婆的追思礼拜里说出了希望爸爸戒烟的愿望，不知他有没有认真看待。婆婆的病，大家都有份被怪罪的。
我是家里的晚辈，曾经因说话得罪大人们而遭批评，这些我都看在眼里，也尝试去改过，因为我要以好行为让他们觉得我真的有改过。婆婆也骂过我啊，说我不可以顶妈妈的嘴。有一次，我跟朋友去puak，很夜才回家，其实爸爸妈妈都知道我的朋友，也知道我们只是出来聊聊。婆婆知道后，打电话给我骂我，叫我要小心什么的，我跟他解释，但，说一半，她就突然盖我电话，我心都碎了，好难过。。可能她真的很怕我们交到坏朋友吧，反应才那么大。
一切都过去了，家里的事情也处理好了，我也要在一个月内拼for spm，将来在天堂还能跟婆婆炫耀呢！她可能也会跟朋友们炫耀呀！:)
婆婆，算是我人生中不可少的人，我回每天带着你送我的手表，带着你送给我的十字架链，我也会把断了的脚链给接好，我一定会记住你。你好重要，我好爱你。真的感谢主，你信了她！阿门！婆，我们全家“再见”！
全家福
爸爸妈妈和我
四叔又搞怪了! 其实丧礼进行得很愉快，因为大家都深知婆婆脱离苦海，到天堂了，算是个欢送会
婆婆最喜欢的照片 :)
don't be afraid, she's fine with God :)
一张老照片，成了家人的回忆..
婆，安息主怀，我会一直挂念你 :)
I blame myself for not remembering what's the last conversation btwn me and popo.. normally, she will call to ask about what did i eat and did i drink water.. She complained to me that why abi did not want to receive her call.. after i read bi's blog, i just realised that at least bibi still remember the last conversation with her.. Po, I'm always with u, i mean i met u for most of the time.. maybe once in a week.. but better than bi and beh.. they hardly can meet you.. i took my phone and i cannot find ur name in the 'received call'.. now you're gone.. nobody will call me to care for me, nobody will buy me new clothes during cny, nobody will give me pocket money when I need them.. even if its RM5, or RM10, i will not receive it from popo anymore.. I know i will meet u someday but i really cant take u out of my mind..I act like Im always alright but sad to say that I missed u hell lot.. po, i really miss u :( .. Ah wei took ur red jacket out, and i thought of the moment we went to church together.. We sit together in one of the mass.. and sometimes, i met u at the corridor of the church.. never did i appreciate the short moments.. I might feel that it was precious to be with u that time, but when i recall right now, i hardly can remember all those conversations.. po, i love u.. u're always cool :')
婆婆走了。。 虽然我的心很痛，但是我早就预料到了。。 九月回家时，我去婆婆家探望婆婆，和她说话。。 问她还好吗，她微微的笑了，说她很好。。 她说话很吃力，也很模糊，我听不清楚。。但是还是很努力去理解她要讲什么。。我强忍着眼泪不要哭。。 因为不想要让她觉的自己很可怜。。我摸摸她的手，她也紧紧地握住我的手，还看着我，和我微笑。。 要回来KL时，我含着眼泪，哭红了双眼，告诉过婆婆，叫她要等我，我十二月就回了。。我还想要和她一起庆祝圣诞节。。叫她要好好休养，不用担心，因为她有主陪伴。。有什么事就在心里祷告。。但是我自己心里很清楚，这一定是我最后一次看到婆婆了。。虽然我叫她要等我，但是我也不要她被折磨到那么久。。所以我把一切交给主，由主来安排。。
回想起小时候，每天都是婆婆带我去幼稚园。。在幼稚园被欺负，婆婆就帮我骂他。。因为婆婆，幼稚园里上上下下的人都很怕我，连校长也很疼我。。我真的感到很幸福。。幼稚园毕业时，我有表演'拔萝卜' 的歌。。 我扮演着一个老婆婆。。 还要带一个围巾，我告诉婆婆我很怕，也很害羞。。 她讲我傻，没有什么好害羞的。。最后我还是有表演。。
一，二，三年级也是婆婆带我去学校。。我和婆婆每个星期五都会迟去学校，然后婆婆就带我去走走。。 我们每次一起喝barley+lemon,她说喝这个很凉，不会热到。。她还会买东西给我带去学校吃。。在半路上我跟她讲我要大便，她便停车，然后我在水沟大便。。 被同学看到了，我还死不承认。。这个只是我和婆婆的小秘密，没有人知道的。。 三年级时，我在放学的时候被雨伞勾到，跌倒了。。 眼睛旁边被擦伤到很严重。。我很害怕被婆婆看到。。上车时总是遮掉，但是最后还是被婆婆看到了。。她还没问我我就哭了。。如果你看清楚一点，我的脸还有一点点疤痕。。让我永远难以忘记的疤痕。。我每晚也会帮婆婆盖被。。黄色的被。。 人家都说我拍马屁，那时还这么小。。哪里知道什么是拍马屁，我只知道这个是我的责任。。有时婆婆还会叫我和她一起睡，但是我很少跟她睡，因为这是我粘妈妈的最好的时候。。
四，五，六年级时，我转校了。。变成爸爸载我了。。 但是这并没有让我和婆婆变得疏远。。 婆婆每天回家时，我都会自动拿药给她吃，一粒一粒黄色白色的药。。但是我一点都不知道那些药是拿来医什么的。。下午有补习，婆婆每天都准时叫我醒，还准备午餐给我。。 有时真的很不想去补习，还哭了。。婆婆和阿盈还会笑我没有用。。有时读书回来不想睡午觉，婆婆还会骂我们。。 叫我们一定要睡，不然晚上就会很累，不能学书。。那时候真的觉得很烦很烦。。也很生气。。都不了解婆婆的苦心。。婆婆每天下午也会准备午餐给我们。。那时我真的很瘦，如果我没有吃，婆婆还会骂我，问我以为自己很肥了哈？那时的我就无话可说咯。。乖乖的听话了。。
上了中学，我和爸爸妈妈姐姐妹妹就搬出了。。没有和婆婆一起住了。。婆婆有时会叫我们跟她睡。。她说她很想我们。。因为妈妈忙着做工，所以没有人煮菜给我们。。 我们就每天回婆婆家吃。。婆婆和姑姑每天都把我们照顾得很好，煮好好给我们吃，婆婆家就变成了我们的托儿所。。婆婆还会给我们零用钱，叫我们要买东西吃，她说吃得不能省。。 她还很担心，说我越来越瘦。。怕我没有吃。。有时候因为考书，我们都不想回婆婆家，因为要在家静静的学书，婆婆和叔叔就会带食物来我们家，叫我们一定要吃。。不知道怎么了，渐渐的，我们越来越喜欢留在家学书，不想回婆婆家了，便叫妈妈早早煮饭，下午我们回家时就自己弄烧来吃。。有时我们一星期才见婆婆一次。。那时都没有觉得什么。。 一点都不珍惜。。
在婆婆眼里，我是一个不会读书的人。。姐姐妹妹每次都考到很好很好的成绩，而我的成绩却无话可说。。有时她的话会很伤我的心，说我不会读书，以后去supermarket折衣服就好了，不用读到那么惨啦。。大家都笑了。。我想笑，却笑不出。。还是死死假笑，怕她知道我很介意她这样说我。。也不想在亲戚面前哭。。我是一个自尊心很强很强的人。。 说到我不喜欢听的话时，不管对方是认真的，还是开玩笑的。。我一定会生气的。。 我常常都会向妹妹诉苦的。。只有她知道我的心事。。妈妈以前也是常说我，但是当他们发现我不能被讲时，就没有讲我了。。 我不是小气，我只是很容易被伤到，开不起玩笑。。真逊！
得到offer来这里之前，婆婆很不喜欢我做护士，她总是叫我选老师，因为我同时也得到了师训的offer..但最后我还是选护士了。。 婆婆很担心，我便叫她不用担心。。我告诉她我做护士也很好呀，以后她老了我可以照顾她。。她微微笑了。。来到这里时，婆婆常常会打电话给我。。 我不曾自动打给她，有时接不到婆婆的电话，我也没有随时打回给她。。一直拖拖拖才打给她。。 婆婆一定会问我有没有喝水，叫我不要吃炸的东西，不要吃那么多鸡，因为这里的鸡都有打针的，对身体不好。。我都会哦哦哦而已，有没有做到，我自己心知肚明。。 婆婆也叫我帮病人换尿片时一定要戴口罩和手套。。 我有戴手套，我告诉她我不用戴口罩吧，人家会说我千金小姐的。。 但是她坚持叫我戴。。我只好答应她。。 但是我并没有听她的话。。 我还是没有戴。。对不起了，婆婆！
每次回家的时候，婆婆都会买很多东西，叫妈妈煮给我吃。。鱼啦虾啦什么都有。。但是我第二个annual leave时婆婆就不对劲了，她的癌细胞又开始扩散了。。 我一回到家，看到她我便哭了。。她问我为什么哭了，我说因为我很久没有看到她了，很想她。。其实我真的担心婆婆。。 怕哪一天她离开我。。她一直都有接受治疗。。直到八月一号，婆婆打电话给我。。 我那时没有接到她的电话，因为我在study room 学书，准备我的考试了。。可是我的直觉告诉我我应该要打回电话给她。。 我便跑出去，和她说话。。 她说我每次打电话时都没有叫她婆婆的，我那时便叫了她一声婆婆。。 她问我有喝多多水吗，我说有。。我真的有！然后我问她好吗，她说：“婆婆很好，你不要担心” 讲了没到两分钟的电话我们就说再见了。。谁知这两分钟，短短的conversation变成了和婆婆通的最后一次电话，最后一次听到婆婆最温暖的声音。。 那次之后，我不知道几号，大概五号，婆婆就晕倒了。。 被送进医院。。 还中风了。。那时阿盈要去美国了。。大家都叫我回家，探望婆婆。。看到婆婆时，我的鼻子都酸了。。 忍不住哭了起来。。 才一下子而已婆婆就瘫痪在床上，不能动了。。我只能够回三天而已。。 当我要回来kl时，大家都叫我别担心，他们会看好婆婆的。。
Raya时我又回家了。。那时婆婆已经出院了，我一回到家就大声地叫婆婆，告诉她我回来了。。她看到我时，开心地笑了。。还说好... 我那时很高兴，觉得婆婆越来越精神了，还会笑。。 但是第三天，当我去探望她时，她愁眉苦脸的。。 我问爸爸她做么？爸爸说婆婆真的很痛了。。连morphine都止不了她的痛。。婆婆，你的痛，我感受到了。。 我的心很痛很痛。。。一直哭一直哭。。 你也掉眼泪了。。我真的是很舍不得你。。 挣扎了两个月，你终于离开了。。 或许你现在已经在天上看着我了。。 看着我为你流眼泪。。 婆婆，我很替你高兴。。 生老病死是正常的。。我明白。。 那天写了封信，想要等朋友回古晋，然后拿给家里人，叫他们读给你听。。 但是已经来不及了。。不用紧吧。。 有一天我们也会在天上见面的。。 天已亮了。。 刚才祷告时，求主让我在梦里遇见你，想听听你的声音，想看看你最后一次。。 但是没睡觉，就没希望了。。请让我见见你，听你的声音吧婆婆。。
我想对你说最后一次：
谢谢你从小到大对我的照顾，对我的关怀。。 婆婆，我已经肥了，证明我在这里过得很好，不用担心我。。 你送我的laptop..我也会用我生命来好好的保护它的。。你对我的爱，我永远都不会忘记的。。 我爱你婆婆。。 一路好走！
9-10-2010, saturday, 3.55a.m. Popo has gone, to a place that she finds eternal happiness.. I guess she has met Jesus and Grandpa.. How great it is to leave all the sorrow and pain on the earth that we are staying now.. Family gathered together.. Some sobbed, some cried pathetically and some looked extremely down.. However, we feel relieved as we know that she's leave all the pains, and go to a better place, or i shall say, the best place among all other places-heaven. I thank God, truly want to give thanks to God. He, the Saviour King, has saved her life..He's the only way, the truth and the life.. Those who believes in Him will get eternal life.. I'm so glad that I'm being a part of Him and I'm always proud to known myself as His daughter.
Popo's funeral was held in a Christianity way, although most of my family are not christian. Thanks to all the Chin Daw Methodist church fellow brothers and sisters who came and visited my grandma a few days before she left.. They held a "sunday church mass" for her on wednesday night.. I thank them for that. At least, she clearly knew that God's with her all the time. Really hope to meet her someday and I'm sure i can. I wana be a good christian who have faith in God for all the time.. I even wish that my family will be reunite i heaven.
I missed popo.. :( all the things she gifted me.. my RM10 T-shirt that i loved the most, dress, blouses, two of my jeans, my Cross necklace, my ling long and my pink colour watch.. they are always with me and it makes me hardly able to forget about her.. I love popo so much..
I really missed her.. Po, rest in peace with God. I know, we will meet someday.. you're the coolest grandma :')
Undoubtedly, I'm an outspoken person. At times, i offend so many peole which i did not realise. My parents are seriously dislike me being that way, i can feel that. Which parent in this world would like their children to be rude on them? Nobody. Anyhow, I'm changing. Actually, most of my friends behaved as I am. They might be more extreme in the way they talk and point out their opinions. My friend even said I'm neutral (which is sort of like a compliment). Guess I'm always rude when talking to a particular person, eg: my parents. Mum is always naggy :p dad, umm, no much thing to complain on him but basically this old man always stop me from revision and need me to help him in using the laptop. He wants to follow the high technology pace so that he will be able to have some topics to chit chat about with his students. aww :)
It's a blessed day today, as God has answered my prayer. I talked to my very best companion about my problems being in my own church. Im losing my passionate over my church. I found that there are so many problems existing in the teens in church which made me feel reluctant to join their activities. I might be finding excuses for myself to not waste time on other activities. However, It's partly because of some of my church mates make me feel uneasy to mix around with them. They talked, played phone and laughed during the church mass. This shouldnt be happening in a sunday morning in church! I always want to go to Blessed church. I will pray for the day to come.
I feel like wanna add more interesting in my blog, and i feel like wana share it to everybody, but i think i've written a lot of of personal stuff which would be better to just keep it invisble from public. Its time to sleep.. would love to take a nag before revision. there will be an addmaths test tomoro. baby, do it will! ;)
"You don't understand. Why aren't you listening to me!" snorted Lily angrily. Simon, feeling confused and hurt answers back, "Why are you so mad? It's just a simple problem. You can ..."
How often has the above scenario happened to you with your other half ? Too often perhaps, so much so that it leads to nothing but a destructive ending.
true.. :)
sigh* i failed to cope with it..
im feeling so disappointed..
God says he will grant me ability to improve everything..
but why..
why am i still that weak..
why can't i just, be the strong one..
i wish i could..
oh God.. Im getting lazier and lazier.. exam will be after Raya.. How on earth am i gonna get straight As with this attitude.. I wished to chat with beh right now.. :( I have a running nose, its because i slept late at 2am.. im so tired...
I've made a study plan, but after finishing it, im here in front of the computer again.. hehe! anyway, today's school was so so fine.. I'm not tired at all.. just that i've period pain.. :) thank God for today. Popo smiled after listened to papa telling bibi's story at hospital. She was asked to see how a mother gives birth. she said she felt so gelik.. "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....." sth like that.. haha :) at least popo was cheered.. Im very happy.. now my uncle and aunties were no more in kuch.. well well .... :) alright! need to study now! see ya :)
i cried miserably on the day bi went home.. I was totally emotionally not alright these few days which i couldnt deny that.. i argued with my sister over the matter of asking bi's friend to go to church.. they were like teasing me saying that, why mama still don't go to church even if we asked??...i know it is not an easy task to ask somebody to go to church, but at least u should pray for it.. God will turn a bad situation to a good one isnt it.. as long as we believe in Him..
i was so disappointed and totally stressed out.. i cried like there's no tomoro which is so damn miserable.. I kept praying and asking God, What is wrong with me.. yeah.. What is wrong with me.. a feeling of hatred on myself has grown so strong which i couldnt resist it.. sigh*
there was no point for me to cry like hell on the day bi came home.. so i decided to just meet them up, cause i know thy will pujuk their little sister :)
School wasnt that great today, im exhausted.. truly exhausted.. i need energy booster.. popo looks ok today, doctor said she will be able to talk after some time.. pray that she'll be alright..
"whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" thanks to my two best friends for their support.. :)
i wrote a long passage just now huh.. sorry that i couldnt hold everything inside my heart.. i need somebody to talk to.. i wish tat abi will come home as soon as possible, as she will always listen to me.. i found myself filled with hatred feelings..i'd rather don't get affected by her.. i know its true for what she said.. However, i think i should control my anger.. after all, they just want to make our beloved feel better.. i told beh in church today that, "are u only act like a christian when you're in ACTS church? I don't see you as a christian..." hmm.. if this were told by somebody to me, i will feel extremely down and guilty..
i shouldnt judge her too.. i myself dont act like one too.. yeah its true that our church might not suitable for her, but i really hope my sisters will go to church with me.. feel so lonely to be in church somehow..
i must be better.. from day to day.. kinda worried with my studies.. mock exam will be coming very very soon.. I'm still struggling with all the family problems right now.. God, find me a way to help me make it through.. Grant me wisdom in my studies.. Amen..
popo is seriously ill right now.. she is now staying in the hospital to receive treatment.. On wednesday, she suddenly felt dizzy after came out of the toilet.. gugu realised that she couldnt move her right hand.. However, she didnt inform us cause she thought that popo might just feel a little bit of numbness after receiving chemotherapy.. right until papa came home, he asked po to go and consult doctor.. but popo just stayed silent.. situation was getting weird.. then, papa called my uncle to stay there until he came back again, as there were still 2 students in papa's car..after sending the students, papa came back to popo's house.. That time, my uncle had leaved -.- pa waited for another uncle to come home and they quickly carried popo to the van and sent her to the hospital.. Doctor suspected her to have stroke.. besides, she is infected by the bacteria.. her white blood cell level is so low..
I visited her after my tuition.. i was crying all the way.. i couldnt hold it.. We went to the hospital at 11pm something.. my whole body was shivering as the air conditioner was so strong in the hospital.. we entered the emergency room which is at the red zone.. popo looked so weak.. she wasnt look like the usual her.. i felt so sad.. she was suffering.. i kept praying to God that she'll be alright... she looked at me, i grabbed her hand tightly.. prayed to God that she'll be alright....
I visited her again on friday night.. she had fever but recovered after few hours.. that night, she didnt get to see us as she slept soundly.. my 2th uncle and his family came back to kuch that day...
yesterday..we visited popo again.. She was having a real serious fever.. the weather was burning hot too.. All my uncles and aunties came.. i wished i could do sth but i scared i will be back stabbed by them.. after thy left.. i started to wipe her whole body with towel to lower down her body temperature.. me and beh feed her with milk too by pouring the milk into the tube that is inserted into her stomach by using the syringe.. later.. beh and papa left.. only me and mama stayed there to take care of her.. we helped popo to change pampers as the LOUSY nurse -.- didnt even bother to help us! suan le.. we do it ourselves.. i called abi to ask her how should i do this and tat.. as she is a very pro nurse d :) well.. although it was just a short period of time for me to take care of her, i felt so glad because at least i was able to do something for her..i've succeed in helping her to lower down her body temperature using the nursing skils adn knowledges that i've learnt in st john.. God hears me, AMEN! the weather turns very windy.. i know God is watching.. he is there! :) for those hypocrites..please dont say anythg tat is sarcastic to create chaos..popo is still able to listen and differentiate whats going on.. Dont u hurt her.. God is watching all of us..
my aunty urged my mum to ask bi to come back to kuch... she said.. po might be waiting for bi to come back before she leaves. However, i personally feel that when she comes back to kuch to visit popo, popo will be HEALED, but not leave
Po will be alright.. i talked to her.. she looked into my eyes.. i told her.. po, bibi will come home very soon, u must wait for her.. we, all of us, pray for u all the time.. you will be okay and you will get back to our home.. God will be with you.. tears rolled in her eyes too.. she couldnt speak, yet she couldnt move her right limbs.. i know.. she felt afraid too.. i asked her to pray to God too.. Stay strong.. you will be alright...
after all these.. i realised that papa is such a good son.. thank god that im blessed to have father and mother that behaved well.. God, i prayed to you.. to save my family.. we will make it through together... bi will be coming home later.. thats the time for everything to change.. po, no matter how.. lets follow what God's instruction.. :) no matter how it goes.. you're safe with HIM...
i watched passion of Christ. I couldnt imagine how suffer he is to die for us.. I was greatly touched by His Love.. Non would be like Him.. Jesus, you're so true.. so so true.. U died for us, being crucified.. being persecuted.. I'll keep following you.. Love you, God..
i went to wind cave with my friends and teachers yesterday. We took a lof of pictures. Mama dropped me at 101 to have my breakfast with my fellow friends. We ate LASKA. super duper yummy! i strongly recommend it! later, we went to school by following my uncle's bus. There were 27 of us, combination of 5 Alpha and 4 Beta students guided by 3 teachers, Madam Flowrise, Madam Elizabeth and Mr Chin Chee Leong. First destination, Wind Cave! Here are some of the pictures taken
in the evening, we went to Faith methodist church for 少年音乐布道晚会. thank God it was a truly meaningful event.. Jac cried after watching Passion of Christ.. i was touched too.. i hold her hands tight, prayed to God that we'll make it through all the hardships :) we sang out loud and praised the Lord.. and the pastor preached powerful speech, we were impressed with her sense of humor too.. :D wonderful feeling flowed and filled inside my heart. I made my promise to God that i will always read bible and pray more. I wanna be a standout christian! :) well done to all my church mates who were involved in this great event, I'm proud of u all :D
WE'RE BLESSED CHILD!
I'm glad that some of my non-christian friends joined us, hope they will know more about God :)
Nice church!
my friend doesnt go well with her boy friend lately.. she seek for help expecting me to give her some opinions.. i was like, so stress.. and i was speechless.. i did not even know what to advice her..this is because what she did was totally the same thing tat i've done to him.. i know her feeling so well.. Once we've made the decision to just break up, we will get all the negative consequences.. eg, people will
judge you as the bad ones, who dumps the person that u like.. actually, it wasnt our fault although it looked like we're the one who made up all the problems.. i've affected my studies, neglected my families and ignored about my future life.. i couldn't concentrate on my studies when i was with him, i lied to my parents which i felt so damn bad, and last..I was once living a true fairy tale.. However, never did i realised controversy came while we were fantasized about our future.. i felt so wrong day after day as i know well that this kind of dream will not be realised.. but i couldnt resist him.. he's way too nice which i couldn't afford to hurt him.. at last, i made up my mind for my own sake.. i told him my problem and all the reasons.. but the more i tell, the more difficult for him to get me.. i guess he couldnt even understand what i actually want.. worst was that, he misunderstood me.. :( hmm... we never talk to each other after this.. how sad...
anyway, i told my friend to just leave it to God. If he is not the person that we were expecting, just forget about it.. however, my last advice was.. don't end up the relationship.. it hurts when we meet again.....
Yesterday, my friends and I went swimming.. It was a fascinating time to be with them. we exercised and at the same time have some girls talk. hehe.. but i found out a very unpleasant matter.. which is mainly about him la.. guess he hates me :) he wouldnt understand what i want and what i need.. well, this matter has passed already..
today, i woke up at 7.15am.. prepared myself to church.. but my mum told me dad wasnt at home, he went to look after popo as she has back pain..i guess she was suffering badly.. :( after church, beh went to meet pastor and told him about that.. another uncle came and he said he always put popo in his prayer.. how nice :') then, we prayed together, pray that God will ease her pain.. amen.. we visited her after church, she looked better, quite energetic.. i felt relieved :)
Mummy asked me to cook luncheon meats.. and at the same time she asked beh to fry fish. when the oil spilted, both of us screamed like there's no tomorrow! soooo scary.. now then i realized how hectic it is to be a mother -.- mama said she had used to all these, how great huh :)
i slept for the whole afternoon, so tired.. i gave up to finish my addmaths.. there are still a lot more to go.. so i decided to go shopping with my sister later.. haha! i hope only yinglin will finish it. so tat i wont have to pay more. :p everything was fine today.. :)
oh ya! we've sent the design to the factory :) hope tat we will get a super duper cool class tee. tata!
ADDMATHS ADDMATHS ADDMATHS!! we are going to finish a form 5 addmaths exercise book in one week! oh gosh, thanks to yinglin -.- if we couldnt finish it, yeah, we need to pay RM 10 to everybody as hukuman.. right now everybody is chionging addmaths. hehe :) great weekdays! keep praying for the best :) see ya!
I know i shouldn't be online right at this time.. but i feel so upset upon hearing the matter about my grandma. She's 70 plus years old, and she's having lung cancer (1 year ago), which is a very risky disease... I'm so depressed right now.. the report shown wasnt seem to be good. the doctor said, the cancer cell might be spreading to the bones.. i heard from pa that its a very dangerous stage.. as popo will feel excruciating pain when the cells spread.. Im worried :( popo loves and cares so much about us, her grandchildren.. when we were young, she will always forced us to eat to make sure our stomachs are filled. She bought us new clothes (she has a super good taste which we couldn't deny) and she gave us pocket money too.. how nice :') We lived together right until my family and I moved to our new house. It had been 10 years for me to live together with her. After hearing the bad news, I know I should always be there for her . As i've grown up, i know i should treat this old woman nicely, i know she feels lonely inside cause there is nobody to cheer her up. Happiness shown in her face when bi and beh went home from KL, maybe she's very keen to see us all. We couldn't make it to visit her, cause i'm totally busy with all the school activities and exams.. feel bad for her..
she's just so sayang us :'( i can't hold my tears.. God, i pray that you will heal her painfulness. we will follow every decision you made, hoping that you will do what's best for her.. i know we should always accept the truth that she'll be going to the home tat u provided for her some other day..
she told me, she wished to meet kong kong.. she's going to meet Jesus soon :( po, everything will be alright, as long as we are with God.
Lord, i thank you for getting through all these with her, i will just keep praying... hope you'll be fine 
this is my family photo :)
another sunday :) its a rainy day today, feeling just nice. Beh went back to KL for some college stuff..she'll be back after 3 days.. the house is so dead.. lack of noises! today i went for church, intensive class and sri sarjana seminar. indeed a packed day..im feeling not alright for the whole day until i met yunru.. we sat together in the seminar.. and that made me feel better, i mean, turn to be better.. i was feeling so uneasy..i dont feel like explaining it, but, one thing tat i wish to share with u all, that is.. how i wish we could be like the past time..... hmmm.. God, take away all those uneasy feeling.. i wana feel alive once again..
today, when i was in church..i recalled of a lot of the sweet moments when i saw something.. blah blah and i asked myself.. what are u thinking right now? you should just stop.. and i stopped.. :( hmm... whats wrong with me? behaving so weird these few days.. getting lazier to study some more.. ugh.. :(
i read bible story these few days more than i study for my spm.. kinda interesting.. :) 7 more weeks before spm... its getting nearer..but im not fully prepared.. some of my friends are so wun already yet im still playing around dragging my time... now i should just off the comp and get up, study! stop procrastinating!
May God bless the human living in this mother earth :)
i have some issue with my sister.. thought that i could spend few more months happily with her before she leave.. but she seems to be dont bother about me.. i'm bored... actually she used to be like tat.. but during the past holiday when i were having my exam and she was back in kuching, i felt so great to be with her.. couldn't forget that precious time.. that was the first time for me to feel that we are like real sister! (17 years in my life) cause we used to argue over lil stuff when we were both young..bi says i might think too much, cause thats her behavior, her style..yeah, probably.. but i would say that it was kind of like umm, disappointment.. actually, i was expecting us to have lots of fun during her holidays in kuch, but it was end up like we have nothing to talk about.. Boring.. wish to chit chat more with her before she leave..i did try to play with her, but no much reaction.. lagak lawa saja >:( well, i better focus on my study.. SPM man.. need to study hard..
oh ya, today's topic in church was about what's the role of us all being a CHRISTIAN. well, i've learnt a lot of thing:
1. PRAY for ourselves before u want to change somebody
2. FOLLOW the way guided by God
these are the two main things.. i feel so wrong lately.. there're a lot of stuff messed me up.. i feel that i've change to be so hot-tempered.. i don't know what is up with me.. :( mum keep complaining that im being rude.. i really don't want to shout out loud but those harsh words just came out from my mouth.. how should i prove to them that i'm a good christian? i should pray more, for a good behavior..
what's going on with me.. i'm probably being troubled by studies.. and two of my very best buddies.. I'm in dilemma.. :( i don't wanna hurt anybody.. should have just do something earlier to stop the bad incident from happening. why am i regretting right now.. pointless.. Right now, i should just, focus only on God and my studies.. and yeah, oh yeah... i should not deny my religion. God, you're so so good, hold me tight.. i need your support.
Lord, today i have a great day in church, cause pastor made me realized that I'M THE WAY TO SAVE MY FAMILY. yeah, so i have to behaved well, lets not just relax and expecting help from others to share religious views, because God made me to change your life, mum and dad :) I'm a gift :D
I designed this. Simple, simple and simple.. ALPHA! no doubt, that's the name of my class!
"God, you're awesome.." i keep repeating this over and over again in my mind.. He is so great that non would ever be like Him.. He loves us like no one else.. He is always there with us when we cry over tiny little stuff :) He speaks to me through my pastor, best friends, sisters and bible..
I can never forget about the period of time when i was deeply in love with a boy. How silly were i to realize that the relationship between us is just a joke.. mum was right, we were too young for it.. relationship in high school life hardly can last till the end.. yet, there are many couples still being together despite living in different places.. I'm quite impressed with how they make it as far distance relationship is always said to be dangerous due to a lot of temptations.. well, my sister is still doing good with her boyfriend. God, she should thank you for it :D
as for my eldest sister's boyfriend, he is the guardian angel that God send to her. A nice guy who believes in God, good in study and a respectful person :) However,we wouldn't get to expect what will happen right before something bad happen, eg: break.. truth be told by so many of my friends.. Its not that i don't trust the word "true love".. but somehow one time experience is enough for me to grow.. I believe that God is always there for me.. Although the first boy of mine is not as perfect as what i thought, I thank him and Him for letting me to realize so many facts.. I cried for it.. i went emo.. and i did a lot of silly stuff just to make situation turns better.. when i listened to our song.. sadness and loneliness filled deep in the core of my heart.. as years past, we are all on our way.. I will never forget about the time when we laugh, chit-chat, listen to pastor preach, study, and so on.. i try to be tough.. I've found that i'd better not try to forget or avoid it.. but, how on earth should i talk to him once again about the misunderstands among us? i'll just shush.. and put it in my memory :) all in all, i would say that he is not the person that i'm looking for. I never regret of my decision. People told me that it is indeed a rightful choice. we were just 16 year old which is way too naive for loving somebody, i mean your boy or girl friend.. Hmm, anyway..i just wish that you'll be better in your behavior.. work hard to realize ur dream :) don't disappoint God.. Sorry for all the things that i've done to you.. I'm really sorry.. it were just a period of time, and..a part of our life.. a small part.. but, you've made me different..
God, i prayed that you'll arrange the path of my life.. wish for a better man to appear in front of me :) cheers babeh :D
